Logo of the Inventors Association of St. Louis

Inventors Connection
Inventors Association
of Saint Louis

Logo of the Inventors Association of St. Louis

Inventors Association of St. Louis (IASL) - Heads-up
PO Box 410111
St. Louis, MO   63141
Tel: 314-432-1291
Fax:
Contact: Robert Scheinkman, Director
E-mail: Director@inventorsconnection.org
Web Page: www.uspto.gov/web/offices/com/speeches/2004apr20.htm

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--> Shouldn't - Wouldn't - You'd Better Lookout
So BE CAUTIOUS. -- Question success and rejection rates:
Success rates show the number of clients who made more money from their invention than they paid to the firm.
Rejection rates reflect the percentage of all ideas or inventions that were found unacceptable by the promotion company.

KEEP BOTH HANDS ON YOUR WALLET/PURSE UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE REALLY GETTING FOR YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY!

-- How to Protect Yourself: Invention Promotion Firms
Source: Florida Attorney General's Office

-- If you have developed a new idea for a product and wish to get it manufactured and marketed, legitimate invention promotion firms may be able to assist you in finding a suitable manufacturing company. Some invention promotion firms, however, do little more than promote their own interests by taking your money and giving you nothing in return. So BE CAUTIOUS. -- Question success and rejection rates:

-- Question the firm about its success and rejection rates. Success rates show the number of clients who made more money from their invention than they paid to the firm. Rejection rates reflect the percentage of all ideas or inventions that were found unacceptable by the promotion company. Be wary of a firm that refuses to disclose this information.

-- Require documentation of claims. Be wary of firms that claim to have special access to independent manufacturers looking for new products, but refuse to document such claims. -- Beware of large up-front fees or charges. -- Ask, at the outset, what the total cost of these services will be. Beware of firms that require you to pay a large up-front fee.

-- Investigate the company. Before making any commitments investigate the invention promotion company. Call your local Better Business Bureau, consumer protection agency, and Attorney General to find out if there are any consumer complaints about the firm. -- Find out the qualifications and methodology of company evaluators. -- Be cautious of an invention promotion firm that offers to review or evaluate your invention but refuses to disclose details about its criteria, system of review, or the qualifications of company evaluators. -- Require the firm to check on existing invention patents. -- Beware of high pressure sales tactics. -- Closely examine the contract. Make sure that your contract contains all agreed-upon terms, written and verbal, before you sign it. If possible, have the agreement reviewed by an attorney. -- Be skeptical of claims. No reputable firm would guarantee your invention's success.

-- When one negative number repeats itself to another negative number: "Are you sure - ?" -- "I'm quite positive + !"

-- "Hire Fast, Fire Faster - Keep the right players on your team" -- "If you have ever made a bad hiring decision, don't worry you are in good company."

-- "This is not a loyalty issue; loyalty should not be based on tenure, it should be based on contribution. Everybody wants to be a part of a winning team and leaders of great teams recruit to hire better people, not to replace those that left."

-- "How retailers get in your head when you shop - Behavior - MSNBC.com" --

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-- “There are really only 2 things that companies want to buy” by Paul Niemann of MarketLaunchers.com

-- Regardless of what type of new product you’re selling, what it all comes down to for most companies is this: There are really only 2 things that they want:
1. To increase sales.
2. To decrease expenses.

-- Sure, that's making it a bit simplistic, but for that most part, it is accurate. How do you, as an inventor, use this to your knowledge?

-- When you contact a company, keep it simple and get right to the point of how your product can help him. Remember, he may have 15 other vendors calling on him that day.

-- If it can increase sales for his company, prove it to him.
-- If it can decrease expenses for his company, prove that to him.
-- If you can quantify it, that’s even better. For example, “Mr. Prospect, research has shown that the Gizmo 3000 has reduced fuel costs by 8% every time it is used. Best of all, it only costs 3 cents per gallon to treat your fuel, so it saves you 28 cents per gallon, for a net gain of 25 cents per gallon.

-- Paul Niemann
www.MarketLaunchers.com

-- 800-337-5758
-- 217-224-8194

# # #

-- A man is driving down a street looking for an address when he notices the following sign in a furniture store window:

ALL THE DEVCIES YOU NEED FOR YOUR HOEM

He pulls over and goes inside and asks to see the owner.

"I will help you, sir," the store assistant says.

"I just wanted to point out that you have two spelling errors in the sign you have in your window."

"Yes, we know," he says. "Our owner wrote it that way on purpose. Each day we get around a dozen people coming in here to point this out to us. People who are so wise-careful about their English language are also discriminating about their own home and its furnishings. -- And now that you're in here, sir, I'm sure you would be interested in our special low price for a kitchen table and four chairs..or may I show you something else?"
---------------------------------------------------------------> >
-- The following are some very funny spelling bloopers caught in local newspapers, publications and various emails. See if you can catch the goofs and gaffes?

-- 1. “…an autopsy to determine if the elderly man lost courteousness for medical reasons.” (Trenton, N.J.)

-- 2. “[An NBA coach] will take charge of a young team still in the throws of a roster overhaul.” (Vernon, Conn.)

-- 3. “‘It’s pretty exciting,’ according to his material grand-mother.” (Potsdam, N.Y.)

-- 4. “The MCCC fight team won 21 out of 32 awards and brought home nine metals.” Including the gold? (Trenton, N.J.)

-- 5. “McNabb…exasperated the injury attempting to chase down Dallas Cowboys safety Roy Williams.” (Trenton, N.J.)

-- 6. “Boxer Pups AKC, 1M, 1F, Bread for Health and Temperament.” (e-mail)

-- 7. “[Paris Hilton] was probably going through cocaine withdrawls.” Is she from the South? (Sunnyvale, Calif.)

-- 8. “Our lunch menu [includes] a variety of hot entrees and tempting deserts.” Presumably also hot. (Upper Saint Clair, Pa.)

-- 9. “Vincent was a brawny Swiss ex-patriot.” (San Jose, Calif.)

-- 10. “…those who acquaint shopping with charity.” (Simsbury, Conn.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------> >
Corrections: 1. consciousness 2. throes 3. maternal 4. medals 5. exacerbated 6. bred 7. withdrawals 8. desserts 9. expatriate 10. equate

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-- “The Top 10 Reasons Inventors Fail – and the solutions” by Paul Niemann of MarketLaunchers.com

* 10. The un-Successful Inventor … focuses most of his marketing efforts on finding licensing or marketing experts who will "take on my product and run with it" for a "piece of the action." -- You must offer a quality compensation if you expect to receive quality results.

Solution: Ask yourself: Would you be willing to work on someone else's invention in return for the same "piece of the action" offer? Probably not. Is anyone going to feel as passionate about "your baby" as you do? Probably not. Are you better off hiring someone for each additional product that you create? Probably not. If an inventor isn't willing to run with the marketing of his own million dollar product, then why expect someone else to be?

The exception may be when there are agents who specialize IN YOUR PARTICULAR INDUSTRY who work on a percentage basis and already have established industry contacts, but more often than not, you're better off marketing your product yourself. In some cases, though, offering a piece of the action may be your only alternative if you have a hot idea but no money.

* 9. The un-Successful Inventor … is usually guilty of "call reluctance. " This is when one is hesitant about giving his sales pitch to potential licensees; this call reluctance isn't limited to just inventors. It's common among professional salespeople as well.

The obvious reason behind this is a desire to avoid hearing bad news. It's normal to be afraid that the company who you're trying to sell your product to will tell you "no." Nobody likes to face rejection, and it's easy to take it personally when your products get rejected.

Solution: How does an inventor overcome call reluctance? I don't know if there's any one way in which to do so. You can set a goal of contacting, say, 5 companies each day. Or set aside a certain block of time each day to make those calls, such as between 9:00 to 10:00 each morning. Just make yourself do it -- it requires discipline, so you must focus on what you want to accomplish, not on what you don't feel like doing. Keep in mind that some companies need independent inventors as much as you need the company that you're trying to license your product to.

* 8. The un-Successful Inventor … focuses so much of his time on the possibility of someone stealing his idea to the extent that it prevents him from showing it to the people who can help move it forward.

Solution: Inventor Gary Kellmann recommends trying to build decent relationships with companies -- to lower the chances of having an invention stolen.

* 7. The un-Successful Inventor … procrastinates. -- A sure sign of procrastination is when a person constantly refines his product, and then refines it some more, and then some more, even when the product is ready for presentation. This 'compulsive procrastination' is often done as an excuse to avoid moving forward with the hardest part -- finding buyers for his product.

Solution: The fear of hearing "no" is a big reason for procrastination.

* 6. The un-Successful Inventor … tries to go it alone. There are others who have been in your situation before, regardless of which stage you're in: research, prototyping, patenting, looking for a licensee, etc. The old adage says that "experience is the best teacher." To take it one step further, though, is to realize that "OTHER PEOPLE'S experiences are the best teacher." Why re-invent the wheel when others have already been there and done that?

Solution: Join an inventor group in your area -- and network with other inventors who have already encountered similar situations.

* 5. The un-Successful Inventor … fails to do his market research. Saying that "I know everyone will buy it" is not enough, because it is only one person's opinion, and that person (you) probably tend to be a bit biased towards the product. And that's perfectly natural, but you still need to convince the right company to acquire or invest in your product.

Solution: The term, "market research" sounds like a pretty complicated term, but it really means finding out answers to such simple questions as: How do you know if there is a market for your product? How do you know what it will take for your potential customers to buy your product? Better yet, do you even know WHO your potential customers are? It doesn't make much sense to proceed at this point until you can answer these questions.

* 4. The un-Successful Inventor … falls blindly in love with his invention. -- By "blindly," I'm referring to the fact that some inventors, like all new parents, think of their new "baby" as perfect and assume that everyone else will think so, too. As a result, most inventors ask their friends and relatives for their opinions. The danger in doing so, is that your friends and relatives will sometimes tell you what you want to hear, rather than what your product really means to them. -- When they encourage you to "go for it," it does not necessarily mean that they think your product will succeed, but instead that they are being supportive of YOU rather than the PRODUCT.

The reason for this is that people tend to be supportive of their friends -- nobody wants to be the bearer of bad news.

Solution: Ask them if they would like to buy a couple of the products from you or, better yet, ask them if they would like to invest $5,000 of their own money in your invention. Their reaction will tell you what they really think of your invention. -- After they reply, you can tell them that you're not really looking for investors but just wanted to find out if they really thought it was a great idea.

Or you can get someone who is not a friend or a relative to give you a realistic assessment of your product's strengths and weaknesses.

* 3. The un-Successful Inventor … does not know the details that inventors should know - things like:
* How much will the product cost to manufacture?
* Who are the companies most likely to be interested in the product?
* How many units of the product can the company expect to sell?
* How is the product different or better than similar products and, if it's more expensive than similar products, why is it worth the higher price?
* Is it patentable? Does it even need to be patented?

It helps if you're able to explain all of these questions, because if a company can't answer these questions itself, than it may lose interest in pursuing the product. Also, it shows that you've done your homework.

Solution: Do your homework BEFORE approaching potential licensees, and become an expert in your industry (and be sure that doing your homework does not cause you to procrastinate from contacting companies).

* 2. The un-Successful Inventor … patents a product before determining the likelihood of whether or not the product will succeed. Unless there's a market to sell your product to, what good does it do to patent it?

Solution: Do your market research without revealing the specifics of your invention. Also, consider filing a provisional patent application.

… and the # 1 reason why inventors fail:

* 1. The un-Successful Inventor … fails to realize that their idea isn't as good as they thought it was. Also, if it is good enough, the un-Successful inventor fails to keep on pushing when times get hard.

Solution: Never let your ego get in the way when evaluating your ideas. You can get the most accurate feedback by asking potential end-users about your product (as opposed to friends and relatives) or, better yet, get an independent evaluation firm to evaluate your invention. Be sure to protect your invention while collecting feedback on your inventions.

Making calls to companies is only a part of the equation ... finding the right partner is the solution ... being greedy prevents that solution.

One final thought: Anybody can fail; but succeeding can be HARD WORK!

# # #

Paul Niemann builds web pages for inventors AND lists them on his web site's invention database at www.MarketLaunchers.com where they can be seen by companies looking for new products. He also builds web sites for people who have a product to manufacture and sell. To get a copy of Paul's "8 web site tips," just reply with the words "8 web site tips" in the subject line. Visit http://www.MarketLaunchers.com or call (800) 337-5758 or niemann7@aol.com

******************************************************************

-- "Latest Mail About Business" --

-- "Small Business Taxes: 5 Tax Myths That are Costing You a Bundle?" --

-- Please remember that all patent application files are published and made available to the public 18 months from the filing date, unless a non-publication request is made in the application. -- Protect Yourself Against Identity Theft! --
-- When filing documentation in support of applications or petitions, please take steps to protect all personal information. "Personal information" includes social security, credit card and banking account numbers. This type of personal data is never required by the USPTO to support a petition or application. To protect your privacy, we suggest that you delete such information from any documentation you send the office. Alternatively, you may request that the submissions be kept out of the public file, if appropriate. (See MPEP Sections 724. 02 to 724.06 www.uspto.gov/web/offices/pac/mpep/documents/0700.htm)

-- Please remember that all patent application files are published and made available to the public 18 months from the filing date, unless a non-publication request is made in the application.
-- Additionally, all patented application files will become available to the public upon the grant of the patent. If you have questions about what information may be published and how to remove the material from documents you plan to submit to the USPTO, please call the Inventors Assistance Center at 1-800-786-9199 or 571-272-1000 TTY: 571-272-9950.
-- Submitted by -- Ran Raider, Patent and Trademark Reference Specialist,
Paul Laurence Dunbar Library,
Wright State University,
Dayton, OH 45435 - 1-937-775-3521

-- "Guru's Lair: Patent Avoidance Library" --

-- -- "Beware of file-sharing programs --
------------------------------------------------

-- KNOWING THE TRICKS OF THE TRADE:

-- "Many hackers send out emails advertising a "grand prize." The email provides a website link for user registration. More often than not, users register with the same login and password they use for all of their computing - even work - giving hackers the access they covet. Hackers may also pretend to be associated a vendor or business associate. Typically, this creates a false sense of security, leading employees to be more willing to divulge the details that hackers are seeking.

-- PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS --

-- Building a defense against social engineering requires understanding vulnerabilities. Here are some action steps that can help you mitigate risks to your company:

- Develop a security policy.

- Make employees aware of common hacker tactics.

- Script employees.

- Establish a "please hold" policy to enable employees to collaborate with one another." --
-- Elizabeth Niedringhaus, SSE

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: FW: Cussing at Work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of blue language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 19 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective and meaningful manner.

Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training..
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing!!

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late?
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that this isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: F___ing No-way...

Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone else who gives a sh__, a__hole.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in this project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work!

Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that in.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head way up his a__.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die !!

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my rosy red a__.

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ you, I'm on salary.

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you really understand?
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__, baby!

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Number 19
TRY SAYING: Please be patient. I've only two hands.
INSTEAD OF: I didn't cause this f__kin cluster-f__k. You.. you big j_ck-off.. Did !!

Thank You,
Human Resources

In fact,
IP-based businesses and entrepren-eurs drive more economic growth in the United States than any other single sector.
-- Are you a small business?

Welcome Success in a global economy depends more and more on intellectual property (IP) assets. In fact, IP-based businesses and entrepreneurs drive more economic growth in the United States than any other single sector.

-- Unfortunately, intellectual property has captured the attention of pirates and organized crime. -- Today, piracy, counterfeiting and the theft of intellectual property pose a serious threat to all U.S. businesses. Industry estimates of the cost of such theft range from $250 billion to 750,000 jobs per year. These threats to ongoing invention and innovation make it important to consider securing IP protection, whether you're a major multinational firm or a 1-person home business. --

-- Small businesses. - Big questions.

-- While every IP-based business is vulnerable to piracy and counterfeiting, small businesses can be at a particular disadvantage because they lack the resources and expertise available to larger corporations. Small businesses may also often lack the familiarity with the process of protecting intellectual property:
Research conducted in the spring of 2005 by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) indicates that only 15 percent of small businesses that do business overseas know that that a U.S. patent or trademark provides protection only in the United States.

-- It has never been more essential for you to consider patenting your idea or registering your name as a trademark, especially if you are a small business owner or are starting a small business.

-- While every IP-based business is vulnerable to piracy and counterfeit-ing, small businesses can be at a particular disadvantage because they lack the resources and expertise available to larger corporations. -- In today's global marketplace, American products and branding can be stolen by an individual or a business halfway around the world without the rightful owner even being aware of it. Small businesses are particularly at risk because they may lack the knowledge and expertise to effectively combat such theft. In recognition of this need, USPTO hosted a series of seminars across the country to help educate American small businesses about the realities of piracy and counterfeiting and steps they can take to protect themselves.

-- During the two-day seminars, patent, trademark and copyright experts and lawyers from the USPTO provided small and medium-sized businesses, entrepreneurs, and independent inventors interested in manufacturing or selling their products abroad with specific details and useful tips about protecting and enforcing their intellectual property rights in the United States and around the world. There was no charge for these conferences. For more information and when this will be reheld again in the future, keep reading the USPTO's website pages: www.uspto.gov

-- What are the odds that you arrived at the right place, in the right time, to do the right thing, to have another chance--to do the right thing? -- Robert Scheinkman -- "To change and to change for the better are two different things." --
-- German proverb

-- "Americans more wired, new-media survey finds: Scientific American" --

-- There are those who say they believe in reincarnation. That after we die we come back again to live another life. -- Some believe that they've been here before as another being and even in another gender.

But -- "The living does not outnumber the dead. Since the creation, about 36 billion people have died. [One source stated 100 billion died.] Over six and a half billion people are alive today."

-- "There are two kinds of statistics: the kind you look up and the kind you make up." -- Rex Stout, Death of Doxy

-- What are the odds that you arrived at the right place, in the right time, to do the right thing, to have another chance--to do the right thing? -- Robert Scheinkman

Household Hint
Reopening Envelope - If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily by running a knife blade under the seal.

-- THAT is the exact reason the USPTO insists that YOU DO NOT PLACE YOUR WRITTEN PROOF OF FIRST TO INVENT in a sealed envelope and send it through the U.S. Mails to yourself. They will not honor this as your proof.

-- You may have thought that a cancelled and kept-sealed-letter-envelope proves to them that the yet unopened contents hasn't been tampered with. The USPTO knows differently - that it can be tampered with. That a substitution of material information can and possibly has been made.

-- Your choices are now limited to your filing of the Provisional Patent Application, filing the [Patent] Non-provisional Patent Application, or the non-publishing of the patent info--keeping a Trade Secret. -- Robert Scheinkman

-- "There is a difference between genius and stupidity. There are no limitations to stupidity." -- Albert Einstein

-- "Did you know that the Titanic hit the iceberg one day after the warranty ran out?" -- David Letterman

-- -- The 3 P's Of Inventing -- -- by Matthew Yubas

-- "Many times inventors come to me and say, "I have an idea that I'm working on that I think is patentable." I say great, but what you want is an invention that is marketable. One that will serve the needs of people and generate a profit for yourself.

-- There are many examples of inventions with patents, that never make it to the market or fail in the market. If you are following the old method of what I call the 3P's - Prototype, Patent, and Production - stop now!

-- Keep in mind that there is more to a product than just its features or technology. Let's look at other P's from a marketing perspective.

-- There are Product Benefits, Product Advantages, Pricing, Positioning, Profit Analysis, Product Requirements, Publicity, Promotion, Packaging, Product Name, Product Launch Plan, and Placement (distribution). -- These all need to be considered during invention creation, not after." --

THE ONLINE INVENTOR *****************************************************************
------> > From -----> >
THE ONLINE INVENTOR –
www.marketlaunchers.com
Editor: Paul Niemann
*****************************************************************
Dear Inventor:

Before we get to this week’s article, I have a message for you if you have a product that could sell at a Home Depot or True Value. Noted author and invention licensing specialist Ron Docie, Sr. is looking for inventors of Hardware, Tools and Lawn & Garden products to represent at the National Hardware Show on May 10 – 12 in Las Vegas. Ron meets with manufacturers and distributors on behalf of his inventor clients, setting up potential royalty deals. You do not need to have a prototype at this stage, because Ron will be pre-qualifying potential licensees at this show. Please see his message below for more info, along with a helpful article that Ron wrote.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK ...

“I think that life isn’t about how long you live, but what you do with the time you have. Bill has done it all, and very well.” -- comment about Bill Porter, the legendary salesman for Watkins Products who walked 7 miles nearly every day selling Watkins products door-to-door for 50 years. He did this despite having cerebral palsy.
www.katu.com/news/local/112488034.html

Best Regards,
Paul Niemann

Even if you have only an idea, and NO prototype, and NO patent, you can get GREAT mileage from Ron's attendance at tradeshows. For more information about how Ron Docie gets the most from trade shows for his inventor clients, check out his article at http://www.docie.com/faqs/why-should-i-attend-a-trade-show/

National Lawn and Garden Show
Colorado Springs, CO
June 14-16, 2011

The National Lawn & Garden Show features guaranteed, pre-set appointments between qualified, decision-making buyers and manufacturers. As a result, the show is known as the most productive, focused efficient event in the industry. Every lead is genuine; every appointment is a new opportunity to do business with one of the industry's leaders. Experience the most productive, focused and efficient event in the industry. Make plans to join the NLGS in June 2011!
***************************************************************

-- -- ATTENTION HARDWARE -- LAWN & GARDEN INVENTORS:
-- Want to find a manufacturer and distribution for your Hardware or Lawn & Garden invention? Want to potentially collect royalties?

-- Please contact Docie Marketing toll free at: 1-888-801-5200 now! Ask for Ron Docie, Sr. Email docie@docie.com

-- -- Thought of the day --

-- You are the conductor of your own train on the tracks of life and you are strong enough to go places you want to go. Don't let a little hill stop you - choose the reality you wish to create, not the one you're afraid might occur. Soon enough you'll be able to say just like the little engine, "I know I can!" -- Heather Walter

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

19. Experience is something you don't get until after you need it.

20. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

21. And Never, Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.